Religious Colander-isation

Imagine in 20 years time looking back over your class photos, picking out mates, people you didn’t know and then the guy with the colander on his head. I’d love to have a time machine to see where this story from todays NZ Herald goes.

Briefly, a student has claimed his school breached his human rights by not allowing him to wear his religious headwear (a colander) for school photos, he is a Pastafarian – I’ll let you chew on that for a minute. Pastafarianism is a thing – a legitimate religion; therefore, he is entitled to follow his chosen faith. Now to be fair, the school probably didn’t know what to make of it when he showed up with his shiny colander and possibly needed to slow things down and ask more questions. Because on the surface, a kid turning up to school with a kitchen utensil on his head, does not fit the common understanding of religious headwear. I think the school could be forgiven for thinking he was taking the piss.

This brings me to another point. I am curious about Pastafarianism and it’s ‘mocking approach’ of religion. While I have never personally subscribed to any form of religion, I am wondering about the intention of ‘ridicule by infiltration’ or as I like to put it ‘colander-isation’ (like colonisation but punnier). This has the effect of drawing attention to the claims of religious beliefs as laughable and so are not to be taken seriously or be respected. I don’t know if that is their intention but it seems like it is a probable effect of their approach. For example the name of their church, Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, was unlikely chosen in order to invoke a sense of reverence.

On a more practical note I’m thinking if Pastafarians want to play sport they might need to consider a softer version of their headwear. May I suggest they check out silicone colanders. It might also be important for retailers to ensure they mark items Pastafarian approved. If enough Pastafarians emerge then they could apply to create a special character school? It might be first with its own school lunches, and rituals to honour the Flying Spaghetti Monster, good luck hiring cleaners.

Regarding this young man’s future, some have suggested he will possibly regret this stand and it will harm his reputation. I’m not so sure as there have been plenty of instances of ‘rule challengers’ who have gone on to very successful careers. It reminds me of this clip from Zeitgeist Moving Forward. Jacque Fresco has never been scared to challenge the system and has started a global movement (The Venus Project) because of his ability to challenge ideas.

While I respect his right to practice his chosen religion I’m unclear as to whether the violation of his rights is worthy of a complaint to The Human Rights Commission. I’d like to see him approach the Board Of Trustees and request a uniform review and perhaps consult with other religious groups who have worked through these tricky issues. If he as committed as he says he is he needs to submit a proposal like everyone else.

Finally Religious persecution is a thing he might need to get used to. If he is a devout Pastafarian his faith should get him through the tough times. He simply needs to return to the sauce of his beliefs and feast on the goodness it brings.


Pulse Racing

DISCLAIMER: A momentary unfiltered rant – for the sake of my sanity:

More shocking headlines from the USA – which I think by default is now the capital of the world, at least in the eyes of the media.

Another mass shooting, 50 dead, 53 injured in Orlando at Pulse night club. But let’s be clear from the start, this was not a random night club. It was a LGBTQI+ social venue. Guns – course they bloody kill people, if you can buy an assault rifle next to your corn flakes no questions asked, that’s sick – why is there any need for debate around this anymore, constitution or not.

This guy could have been Christian but he is Muslim – so we are in for the rainbow flag being torn to shreds over gun laws, religious fanaticism and mental instability. People will stand in solidarity for a moment then go back to separation. This guy invaded a place of sanctuary, a place where regardless of the music and price of the drinks you can pee where you like and flirt with someone of the same, opposite or unknown sex.

The shooting is a reminder that being on the rainbow spectrum means you can be killed for existing – to be deemed fit for annihilation for simply being in the world. The gun man seen as delivering Gods justice by some. Stop already with trying to make sense of this Jeannie – it is utterly sense-less. For once I just want religion to face facts – your fear toting version of God sucks. And people wonder why young LGBTQI+ people suffer from anxiety…coz some people want to hurt them or kill them! Surrounded by rejection or the possibility of losing your life…hmmmm…hows that working out for your mental health?

Then there will be the other violence – the one that says ‘be grateful you live in NZ’, there is no hate here. Yes NZ you are so inclusive your schools can’t figure out what to do with transgender students – just pretend they don’t exist, or prove their existence through the violence of medical diagnosis. Yes the violence of sanctioned invisibility by inclusion, be gay just don’t don’t be too gay. Being angry will be seen as reactionary, we must ‘love’ in response to the hate – well F-that for the moment, I’m sick of white light washing the rainbow. Getting out my own guns to let my middle finger do the talking.

I’m done – and going to pray to a higher power to beam me off this gorgeous planet with psychopathic care takers. And please don’t think changing your FB filter to rainbow helps – deal with your own shit – that helps.

Hot Cross Profits

Scatterings of silver paper litter the floor. Spikes of insulin and piercing squeals signal another cluster of rituals combined with religious significance to put many parents on notice. When the questions start – you’d better be ready with some answers that make sense…and quite frankly…I’m a bit stumped with Easter.

I try my best to respect all points of view and positions of belief, because I don’t think I know or understand enough to take any clear position. So I’d rather see belief in the context of belonging, that I can get. But how on earth do you explain to a 7 year old the crucifixion of Jesus combined with a bunny, eggs and chocolate especially when you are living a life pretty much free of any organised religion?

There is a part of me quietly hoping others will help the next generation unravel the tightly wrapped mythology and modern consumption insanity to expose the sticky complex mess of hysterical and slightly horrifying truths. It is a battle of ‘the profits’ where on the one hand cocoa and sugar industries, exploit third world countries in a form of modern slave labour and cash in on greed. But what to do with that other Profit? It’s a pretty unsavoury story but it has kept the Christianity going for a decent amount of time, I’d say that’s good business management. I could get all hot and cross about it but you won’t get a rise out of me.

Today I realised that trying to talk about it to a child after they’ve eaten a dozen chocolate eggs is just asking for trouble. So when in Rome – rip the foil off some chocolate and don’t let anyone tell you it’s a sin. Next time around I will simply enjoy the marvellous mess of Easter. Kid’s do ask questions and whether fact or fiction or something else entirely, I will do more homework and hope not to get caught with egg on my face.

No I will not be foiled.

Christmas – Pole-arity is just a little queer

A couple of hundred years ago the world was ‘flat’ – we pretty much sorted that one, but we no longer have a sphere we have in fact a hemisphere or half a sphere; or more specifically, the Northern hemisphere. The world as it is described in all manner of ways is rapidly becoming ‘top heavy’ and those of us in the booty part of the world (I refuse to say ass end…woops I did anyway) are having our identity colonised by all things related to that which is above the waist line – aka the equator.

Christmas is definitely on that list, and there is no need to check it twice. I’m going to use an analogy that some might find a little shocking but I’d rather say it because staying in the closet at this time of the year is rather stuffy and hot. So here goes…dear rest of the world…I need to tell you something about Christmas in New Zealand – it’s summer here. There ‘we have been outed’ Aotearoa and there is no going back in the closet. If you have grown up here and encounter someone from the hemisphere-normative north the conversation about Christmas can be a little like someone coming out to their parents or friends as being gay. People stare wide eyed, and ask the same kinds of awkward curious questions about ‘how do you do it then?’ and ‘do you still sing carols?’ or even better ‘are you sure – it’s not just a phase?’ Actually it does irk me somewhat that we are still trying to ‘fit in’ and be like Europe or North America.

Santa really doesn’t fit our brief for Christmas. We would do better to adopt the Christian nativity here as our cultural symbol, not for religious reasons but the faming agricultural theme – barns, sheep, goats, hay… kiwi as. Just for the record as well – we don’t see the north star either, so there go your astronomical references. We should also be cautious about rampant tree felling. Yes one of our primary industries is logging but we don’t have such a great history with respecting Tane Mahuta. I always feel a little grief stricken seeing hundreds of baby trees cut down before maturity for decoration purposes. So here is a quick flick through some of the ‘obvious’ contrasts:

• The days a long here – children are not easily convinced to go to bed in the broad daylight
• It’s hot, sticky, humid – fires are reserved for bar-b-ques
• Sand – features strongly rather than snow – just don’t throw it at people, they tend to get a bit tetchy
• Sledding and skiing exist – just on water
• Boxing day test – is not a quiz but a game of cricket – those outside of the British Commonwealth think ‘sport but over 4-5 days, possibly with no result…with more jargon than the legal system and the medical profession put together’

• Santa still wears a big red suit – we just roll with it
• Being with family – whatever that looks like
• Eating and drinking too much
• Panic gift buying
• Decorations – excessive use of lights and tinsel … (yup it is just a little bit gay)
• The birth of Jesus is in there somewhere – but like the rest of the capitalist, consumption driven countries – you need to go searching beyond the guy hogging the limelight in red-white.

Do we still need Christmas? I don’t know – I’m aware of how swept along we all seem to be with fulfilling this need to exchange gifts and pleasantries. The strange and convoluted meaning of this time of year is probably well overdue for a make-over. Getting the big guy out of that suit would be a start and perhaps some honesty about some of the origins of what is considered ‘tradition’ would cheer me.

I’d like to think we have moved beyond a ‘flat earth’ society but are we well rounded? It’s a sphere enough question.

A theory of relativity we should challenge

Something sits uncomfortably with me at the moment and it has to do with the effect of polarity and the ability to compare values and actions based on increasing extremes. When extreme violence is posed at one end of the spectrum however justified everything after that can be viewed as more ‘humane’ or ‘tolerant’ and I think we should be mindful of this. When a woman is stoned to death outside a court house in Pakistan and another woman in prison is awaiting the death penalty for marrying outside her religion there is horror, outrage, but also relief. If you are a woman living in a country where this is not accepted and are not exposed to such extreme threats of violence for breaking tradition then the invitation is to be grateful. We have access to in-formation about social, cultural, religious and political landscapes on a global scale. Even if you are not living in that situation the knowing it exists shapes our existence and understanding of ‘it could be worse’ and I’m concerned about the yardstick growing and the relativistic acceptance of ‘less than death’ as progressive in terms of respect and human rights. The same goes for same sex marriage. Now legal in New Zealand but again, in other parts of the world you can be killed or jailed for being gay. Kind of makes travel arrangements for honeymoons a bit more delicate.

Of course I am outraged and bewildered that we as a species are defining ourselves through fear based beliefs that has perpetuated continued practices that contradict the idea that we are highly evolved beings. But lets not pat ourselves on the back ‘over here’ when people are living under constant threat, fear for their lives for simply being.

That awareness sits in the fabric of consciousness. Years ago, before the digital age the context of understanding was local and contained within a limited sphere of exposure to extremes. Now we can know all possibilities and I’m uncertain how to make sense of respect, freedom and safety within an awareness of expanding polarity. The world is smaller so whilst I am fairly certain I am unlikely to be stoned to death in NZ my awareness that this is happening to women in other parts of the world cannot be ignored or pushed aside easily.

There is nothing about this that deserves a witty ending. It’s just too alarming and outrageous that in the year 2014 women are being assaulted, raped and killed in brutal ways.

Making use of the closet

Most people will automatically assume a reference to ‘The Closet’ is about sexuality. However there is another group queuing up for the privilege of ‘coming out’ and I think it’s time we started asking whether the closet has served it’s usefulness. A walk/roll in wardrobe might be more appropriate these days at the very least. Anyway – I am referring to spirituality or probably more accurately, people who have a sense that their spirituality is marginalised by religion or other belief structures.

I’m not sure I want to compare but perhaps there are some parallel experiences of power and notions of normativity and identity that fit. I’d like to explore some of the assumptions that are limiting and what these mean for people experiencing a genuine sense of un-ease.

1: Lets start with language, particularly dualistic structures of language that inform thinking and more importantly understanding. Basically things are either ‘this or that’, you are either religious or Not. Most of the time this is framed in creation versus evolution – people have to pick a side. And it’s more than awkward to try and say ‘neither.’

2: Throwing in ‘other options’ outside the well established dualisms like above is seen as ‘too politically correct’ it sometimes sounds like ‘stop including/pandering/indulging all these minorities!’ We’ve worked so hard to make some things invisible and constructed almost an Orwellian Ministry of Truth like certainty that ‘it always has been this way.’

3: Change and fluidity are definite no-no’s. Identity is assumed to be fixed – whether it be via ‘nature or nurture’ we are supposed to have done all that figuring out by the time we are in our 20’s (more or less) and then it’s locked in!

4: When it comes to declaring you are of a different ‘persuasion’ there can be intense scrutiny and general sense of ‘fair game’ for others inquisitive questioning. Some people have a sense of entitlement and see ‘curiosity’ as a form of inclusion or acceptance. However – questions that start with ‘Do all…’ should be met with an equal ‘Do all…’ and wait for the eyebrows to raise.

5: Linking in with 2 is the quintessential ‘it’s a phase!’ You just need ‘convincing’ – or an exorcism. Panic and freaking out with references to cults, mental illness or some level coercion are implied.

6: A sense of ‘betrayal’ from others who think they ‘know the person better than anyone’ often (but not always) family and friends or close associates. The idea of the ‘essential true self’ affords people the right to ‘know someone’ so the change is assumed to be about ‘hiding’ or ‘pretending to be someone’ an ‘imposter’ – “I don’t know who you are anymore” hurts because it supports this unhelpful view of self.

7: Catastrophising the future sometimes follows 6. Fear tactics are employed via creative exaggerations of how bad/hard/unfulfilling etc life will be for you if are going to be ‘this.’ Large doses of guilt and shame are sometimes included by referring to people or connections that might be lost, broken. If that doesn’t work then full scale ‘interventions’ could be next.

For those who have never been on the margins this might seem a little perplexing. So another way to look at it is through the lens of loss and grief. It doesn’t have to be about death. But any radical change in life suddenly exposes a lot of things we might have taken for granted and the vulnerability while working through ‘what it all means’ might require some form refuge or sense of security.

Human beings need to belong or more accurately to feel, experience and believe they are accepted, valued and respected. Ostracism, exclusion, rejection and isolation undermine all of this. I think The Closet is a realm of consciousness that allows for risk assessment or discerning in the moment what will work best for providing for those important needs. So perhaps The Closet is more like a Green Room, where we see through the curtain at the audience and decide who to put out on the stage.

Spirituality is a deeply personal, intimate experience and is as unique to people as sexuality. Our relationship with life is infused with the delights of both aspects but isn’t always simple. Having a ‘place’ that serves as a form of protection is wise, not weakness. It’s nice to be able to step out of the ‘lime light or spot light’ and while in ‘The Green Room’ embrace, integrate and become comfortable with ourselves.

So get out there and ‘break a leg.’

The hair essentials

Hair has to be one of the most fascinating aspects of the human body. It defines us in multiple ways layers and even across species. We have strange rules, rituals, fears and hang ups based on where it grows, doesn’t grow, colour and length. My Mum is a hairdresser, and so was her mum but I broke that chain and to be quite honest the world is a safer place for me not having taken up the trade.
I would work in the salon after schools sweeping the floors and doing the perming rollers for her. She would listen to customers talk through personal difficulties, while deftly snipping away. The regulars were like family, many of them watched me grow up. When she branched out to waxing and tinting it dawned on me just how hair defined our sense of self.

Every permutation of human identity can be defined in some way by hair. This is by no means and exhaustive list but serves as a bit of a provocation to notice. Aside from ethnicity where biology (genetics) plays a big part in the ways hair grows we have:
Babies – sometimes born with lots of hair or no hair.
Puberty – Hair appearing in interesting new places, to be celebrated or removed depending on what gender you are identifying with.
Adult hood – hoping hair will stay in places it should be and not migrate to places it shouldn’t be.
Late Adulthood – hoping hair doesn’t do a vanishing act on head and trying desperately to keep its original colour.
Golden Years – giving up the fight and embracing the grey – or back to no hair – full cycle.
Women – femininity defined by length of hair, intelligence – colour of hair.
Men – masculinity defined by facial hair and body hair – to some degree, perhaps more so 20 years ago.
Length of hair for women and the removal of hair from body parts. Men – how groomed their hair is – no matter where it is on their bodies (if they have it on their bodies).
Religion Just a couple of interesting examples to demonstrate intriguing relationship to hair.
Sikh – nature knows best, hair is a gift and if it isn’t a hindrance shouldn’t be tampered with.
Brethren – if a woman doesn’t cover her head she should have her hair cut off. Seeing as it is ‘shameful’ for a woman to have her hair shaved or short – keeping it long and covered is the usual outcome.
Hindu – hair on new born babies is associated with past lives so is shaved off. There is also a belief that shaving stimulates proper brain growth and the ‘tuft’ at the crown of the head protects memory.

There are some other interesting expressions of diversity running parallel such as ‘sub-cultures’ of belonging. For example relating to music (punk spikes, reggae dreadlocks) ‘hippie’ locks, the ‘mullet'(think ‘MacGyver’ or the 80’s in general). Skin colour, age, gender and ethnicity might be our most common default starting points for locating someone socially but I would argue hair features just as strongly. If your hair seems to contradict any of the above criteria it can put a bit of a spanner in the label works. Bring it on! I’d love to see more people in their 80’s or 90’s sporting silvery dreadlocks.

Most of us have played games growing up pretending to be someone else. Escaping ourselves is fun and if we want a ‘quick change’ wigs often work effectively to propel us into an alter ego. But radically tampering with your own ‘do’ can come with some unforeseen social fall-out and I’ve had some close encounters with this phenomenon.
I remember my brother shaving all his hair off at university. When you see cartoons of people getting such a fright they get airborne – that was me when I saw him sitting on my couch. I got dreadlocks and really do think that was the better choice given we were studying in Dunedin. Much warmer having a wooly locks when it is a toasty 3 degrees celcius in your flat. We both encountered a change in perception from others. I got lots of attention from other ‘dreadlocked’ folk of all walks of life – people who probably would never stop and talk to me. My bro – well – sadly for him the ‘skin head’ look came with connotations of ‘white power’ hate groups. When he went into shops women would go out the back and get the manager to serve him. Needless to say he was happy when his hair started growing back. Then there are pranks such as shaving peoples eyebrows off. It’s not a lot but boy does it change how a person looks.

Going down the rabbit hole now, hair possibly has a ‘supernatural’ and spiritual connection to life. As science pushes further into the realms of the invisible and explores subtle fields of energy our understanding of what is real and what defines our world grow and evolve. So what about the possibility that hair could be a form of ‘antennae’ that taps into these unseen forces? Think its the realm of science fiction – Avatar? Well, maybe truth is indeed stranger than fiction:
In short, during the Vietnam War the US Government went looking for ‘talented scouts’ and went to the Native Indian community. Once recruited they would be given a standard military ‘buzz cut’ (bye bye long locks) and hey presto – no more ‘6th sense.

All of us have a relationship with this fibrous structural protein that is captured by multiple meanings from the functional to the fashionable and even the freaky. But there is one place hair should never be, and that is in your food. Just one tiny hair and that’s it – meal ruined.

That’s about the long and short of it, although it’s not always that cut and dried.

Getting stoned ‘What’s the Buzz?’

‘Tell me what’s happening.’ – I couldn’t resist leading with the famous song from Jesus Christ Superstar. Very catchy tune.

Before we get to the context for the title, I think it is only fair to give people a warning about this piece. It is very sardonic. I know I just published piece on the tension of humour so the irony is not lost on me.
When I wrote Sign of the times,
about schools using signs to promote their values I didn’t expect to be writing so soon about another institution using the same practice but to a different effect but here we are.

I have an aversion to any form of hate towards any being – be they animal, vegetable, mineral or etheric…think that covers all bases. The play on language is also intentional and I hope people can appreciate the juxtaposition as a way of holding ‘lightly’ some very serious human rights issues. Here we go…

It’s not often that a double entendre (getting stoned) has such vastly different connotations. In fact the smoke cloud of irony is so thick I might just have to inhale. I was in hysterics this afternoon reading the Huffington Post – the story of Jennifer Louise Lopez who knocked on the door of a local church advertising ‘stoning’ and not of the happy buzz variety but of the ‘stone throwing’ kind.

She ‘rocked up’ and knocked on the door and declared herself to be a lesbian and was ‘there for her stoning.’ But if that doesn’t shock or disturb you then you might be horrified to know that the guy who answers the door says ‘they don’t have any stones and to come back the next day.’ How hard up can this church be! No stones? Lets get a donation going – no money just masonry. Perhaps the local baseball team could offer to coach church members on how to throw. Sadly stoning is still used as a form of punishment in some parts of the world, kind of barbaric when have much better weapons and means of killing people.
Alternatively a peaceful protest where large amounts of cannabis are ritualistically sacrificed on burning ‘faggots’. Confused? The original meaning of faggot relates to the burning of heretics and bunches of sticks tied together were called ‘faggots.’

I’m guessing the acquiring of large amounts of weed would be illegal and anyone using it a dangerous criminal and should be locked away to keep the public safe. In fact, lets not stop there, let us go all the way and reveal the horrifying truth about the hemp plant itself. That it is truly evil as a ‘wonder plant.’ Don’t take it for gospel, do your own research. Here is a place to start.

There is only one way to truly fight hate and that is with love. I’m not much of a theologian – but – there does seem to be a lot of contradictions regarding ‘practicing what you preach’ and I suppose that is what the brave actions of Miss Lopez highlight. If you put it on a sign – it is a public statement – a declaration – an ‘announcement.’

I’m not sure what Jesus would say to Miss Lopez – I would hope he wouldn’t be escorting her back the next day. But I think I know what ‘Brian’s’ Mum might say – “He’s is not the messiah – he is a very naughty boy!”

The Gene Genie

Jeannie here, talking about the ‘gene genie’, that is the mystery of the genetic code and many feel that the person who cracks it would be – well – a ‘genius’.

There is a little bit of my previous tongue in cheek swipe at people preferring to be ‘right’ rather than the truth re-entering via the never ending dualistic dance that science does around ‘why we are the way we are’. That is all arguments still boil down to ‘nature vrs nurture’. The ability to control what is seen as ‘true’ is the ultimate form of power. Science and Religion have battled this out for long enough in my opinion.

So it was with great delight that all of a sudden – geneticists were thrown a curve ball with Schizophrenia – its never good when genes don’t fit.

Have you ever been at a dinner party where politics, science or religion comes up? Watch perfectly reasonable people suddenly become feral and feel yourself slipping slowly under the table to escape (or wish you had a magic lamp!).

What is lost in the zealous disparaging remarks about the validity of either argument is the possibility that neither might have a firm grasp on the ‘truth’. But the investment in being ‘right’ by sociologists, biologists (the scientists – who argue with each other) and godologists – leaves a damaging ripple throughout the collective consciousness of humanity. That is – you have to ‘pick a side’ – its worse than English football fans! (football fans anywhere in the world actually). Loyalty to one side is absolutely required.

So as a genuine Jeannie/Genie – I would like to grant humanity 3 wishes (I have made them on its behalf – because I can).
1: That science be divorced from its forced marriage with the pharmaceutical industry – stop the invention of ‘dis-ease’.
2: We reintegrate our curriculum – bold but necessary – the separation of subjects is fundamentally flawed and doomed to maintain the current fallacy of ‘knowledge’.
3: That there be no more Diagnostic and Statistical Manuals generated by the Psychiatric ‘industry’.

Time to get back in the lamp – but keep the light on.

With all due ‘Respect’

I wrote ‘Sex and the Citadel’ last night to highlight some of complex cultural contexts around sex.

I grew up without any direct influence of religious ideas. I say direct because they are ‘out there’ but as part of my daily life not so much in a traditional sense. There can be much handwringing over morals and values, where these come from and who should be teaching them. Some argue the securlarisation of our society has had a vampire effect on our concept of decency and morality. I’m a bit ‘meh’ about that as an idea. I treat others with respect and ‘how I want to be treated’ not out of some fear of an omnipresent vengeful god or threat of eternity in hell, but because it ‘feels right’. I also respect individuality and if religious beliefs work for people as a grounding I salute that and honour that – that is how respect works – isn’t it?

Back to sex then, or more accurately young people and sex (insert ‘pregnant’ pause). Todays New Zealand Herald leads with this “We weren’t violent so it wasn’t rape, insist jailed abusers of girl” –

Rape is always violence – full stop. I could say a lot more in relation to this article, so will try and throw an alternative perspective on consent as I feel others like Nicola Gavey are better qualified to comment and her research is out there.

If I was still involved in Health Education – I might be bracing myself for some messianic mission to ‘fix this problem’. The debate will roll out (as it did with Roast Busters in 2013) regarding the role of parents and schools in teaching morals, values, ethics in relation to sex and consent. That isn’t what actually concerns me.

Its important to try and minimise harm in any situation. Sexual experiences are diverse and our sense of own sexuality is something that doesn’t begin and end in our teenage years. Figuring this out can be a bit ‘hit and miss’. We still need a place for the ‘awkward’ sexual experience and it not be couched in the absolutes of consensual or non-consensual. The role of alcohol in de-inhibiting is well known, adults use it all the time. So we need to stop preaching to young people and start looking at our own behaviour and fears first, how did we navigate them? Lets also talk more about our use of alcohol as a society. Medicating ourselves to experience intimacy seems a little oxymoronic.

Young men and women need more credit as well. Many are engaged in very respectful and healthy relationships. Lets not forget that – in fact lets talk more with these young people!